One month email from Krystal

To my dear family,
I just wanted to take some time to thank each of you for being here for me through all of this. Each one of you have touched my life in ways that no words would ever be able to express the love and gratitude my heart holds for you. I truly feel so blessed to have you as family.

Also, today is 10/9/09 which marks the first month since Jeff has been gone. I have been thinking alot about all that has gone on in the last month and I just felt like sharing some of the thoughts I have had. First of all, I never thought a human being could accomplish so much in 30 days. I have buried my husband, moved out of the house, sold the Jeep, dropped out of school, gone full time at work, cancelled services I didn't know we had, have had a front row seat for what it means to be a grown up, been visiting my counselor once a week but most importantly I have grown closer to my Heavenly Father. Never before has my testimony grown so quickly but yet so surely. I know that Heavenly Father loves each of us and is aware of us. Even though this experience has been tragic and heartbreaking, I have already learned so much about my self and about others. This experience is already stretching and trying me in a way that I never have been before and I am sure that one day I will be completely grateful for the positive changes that has come from this. Yes the pain is still real, the hurt is still there, and the loneliness is sometimes totally encompassing but the sun still shines, I still have the opportunity to wake up each morning, and I still have the love of family and friends. I am understanding the term of "refiners fire" a little more each day. The conclusion that I have come to is that I am going to let this experience refine me but not define me. I am becoming a different person each day but I have decided that I don't want to be looked at as the girl that "lost her husband". I want to be the girl that can come out strong and on top of this devastating adversity and stand as a witness of the many amazing blessings of the gospel. I am just trying to continue the good that our dear Jeff started and trying to continue to touch peoples lives like he did! I never in a million years ever dreamed of being where I am at age 25 but fate has decided this course for me and I am just trying to face each new adventure face forward with a smile. I have placed my life in the hands of the Lord and am just waiting to see what lies ahead for me!!!

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts and feelings with you guys! I know each of us have had different thoughts or experiences over the past month and I would love to hear what they are. If you feel comfortable to share, please feel free to share whatever you would like! I still love each of you with my whole heart and hope you guys remember that!

I love you!!!

Love,
Krystal