Miles' Dreams

Miles continues to have the most vivid dreams about Uncle Jeff. Here are two recent ones. I just get the feeling these dreams are more meaningful than I am aware right now. I don't know if this is a boy who is still grieving alot, or a boy or talks with Jeff while asleep, or symbolic of something more....so I will jsut keep writing them down for now. (I am retelling from his words as much as I can with as much detail as he could give and I can remember).

Dream ONE - Jeff comes to our door
Miles said in this dream all of our immediate family was in the kitchen together when Miles saw (through the kitchen sliding glass doors) a man walking up the driveway. He didnt really recognize him at first. This man knocked on the door and Jeremy opened it. Jeremy did not recognize him either. As soon as the man started to speak Miles looked at him and RAN to the door to give what he knew to be Uncle Jeff a huge hug. Crying all the way. None of the rest of us really recognized him.....it took Miles to help us know who he was. When I asked Miles later what Jeff looked like...Miles did say that he was about the same but with hair and he was wearing a brown long sleeve shirt with a blue vest (I think) - sounds about like Jeff. Miles also said that in this dream he was about 8 1/2.

This dream is so interesting because it seems like it is Miles who helps us recognize when Jeff is around. And in Miles' dreams he never seems to recognize Jeff until he begins to speak.

Dream TWO - Jeff comes to pick up Miles in his truck
Miles said that in this dream he was playing at his friend Cheyenne Southwick's house just down the street. Grandma Louise had called to say she was on her way to pick up Miles. But then grandma called right back and told Miles she wasn't going to be able to pick him up anymore because Evan and everyone had just come over and she didn't have enough room in her car. So Miles just went on playing. He looked out the Southwick's big window in their living room and saw a big black truck (with big wheels) pull up. A man got out (who he didn't necessarily recognize). Miles watched the door from the between the railing of their slip level entryway. The man came to the door and Cheyenne's mom answered. The man said, "Hi, I'm here for Miles". Miles said as soon as he heard the voice again he knew it was Jeff and ran down their stairs and gave him a huge hug (and of course was crying). He immediately went with Jeff in his truck and they drove to his house (the townhouse). Miles doesn't remember anything more than that other than he was so glad to see Jeff but still so shocked and crying while they were in the car. He said he was about the same age as he is now in his dream.

Miles said that he feels like Jeff is going to come back (for real) in 2 years. I asked him how that could be possible? I asked if he thought Jeff was coming back & being resurrected when Christ comes again - but he didn't think so necessarily. Somehow Miles thinks Jeff is coming back in 2 years. Not sure I want to delve too deeply into the meaning (if any) of this dream.

FHE with Uncle Jeff

I just had the feeling last minute to go have a spontaneous Family Night with Uncle Jeff. I called Scott and Louise literally minutes before we were leaving to invite them on the rare chance they could come too. (turns out they could). We too the whole gang up. It was a great time. We wanted to talk to the kids about spirits and where Jeff is and what his is possibly doing, and all sorts of that stuff....mostly because there was some confusion about that this summer. Grandma and Grandpa met us and we just had a delightful time with Jeff. I wasn't sure exactly why we needed to go last minute to Jeff's grave, but as we were wrapping up we saw a family in our ward who had just lost their son Riley (about Jeff's age). We were able to talk to them but what's more is they were able to talk to Scott and Louise (which I think they needed more). I'm glad the Lord places us where we need to be at the right times for whatever reason.

"What are you doing"

Payton was in the kitchen the other night by himself after everyone was getting in bed and were quietly reading. He came running into our bedroom and said he heard someone say "What are you doing" in kind of a slow, funny voice from off the deck area. We asked everyone if they had said that and the unanimous answer was NO. Pay insisted that it was Uncle Jeff, which now that I think about it - isn't that exactly what Uncle Jeff would do and say? So Pay said he was a little scared but it wasn't a 'bad feeling' scared. So Pay and I decided we were going to go get water out on the deck together. While we were out there, we decided to just ask if Uncle Jeff was there. It seemed as soon as I asked that question, there was a tingly feeling all over both of us. Pay said that he then felt someone pinch his bum (typical Uncle Jeff)! I asked Pay if he wanted to say anything to Uncle Jeff and we proceeded to talk to him and tell him all sorts of things! Pay then stretched out his hand and asked Uncle Jeff if he could grab it so he would know how it feels. As soon as he did, Payton said that he felt a "zing" (as he called it) on his arm. It was so cute. I love how thin the veil is for these little children and how Uncle Jeff does care about every single person in his family. He loves us. He is with us. Our relationship is different than when he was in his mortal body - but we just have to learn (remember) how to have a relationship in a different way.

Happy Anniversary Uncle Jeff and Aunt Krystal. It's hard to believe two years ago we were rockin' out on the dance floor in Mike and Kellie's backyard. Seeing the tender dance between mother and son and also between a new husband and wife (as well as the other rug cutters). What a glorious celebration. We will cherish those memories forever.

Happy 32nd Birthday Jeff

Happy 32nd Birthday Jeff! His friends and family celebrated his birthday "Jeff style". It started out with smothered burritos from his favorite Mexican restaurant in Bountiful, La Frontera. We practically had the place to ourselves - so naturally grandpa started some tom foolery (in honor of Jeff)...throwing rice, hitting people with straws etc.... Miles even honored us with a few of his famous "do it again" faces (a phrase coined by Jeff 7 years ago when Miles would tighten all of his face muscles and turn red).




The whole gang at La Frontera. Looks like there is even a spot for Jeff left directly behind Krystal.

All of the Spencer nephews and niece sitting ON Jeff. Just like he would have wanted.


At the grave, grandma Louise brought several dozen white helium balloons. Everyone in attendance got to write a little note (or draw pictures in some cases) for Jeff. All of the Spencer family was there (minus Rachel who was job hunting in Portland), The Johnsons (including Marcus and his family), and The Wingets. What a crowd!





Grave stone decorated in style!










After everyone was done writing / drawing on their balloons - we all let them go at the same time. You can see the wonder and amazement in the kids eyes as they watched all of the balloons float higher and higher. Now we will never know just what Rick drew exactly on his balloon.




We partied. We set off noise makers. It wasn't very reverent - but that is the way we liked it and especially the way Jeff would like it. We had so much fun.


We ate snacks --- namely homemade Peanut Butter bars, Oreos and Red Vines. There were even some drinking Diet Coke in his honor.






Jeff's early birthday celebration was enormously fun. It was so good to just have fun and do what Jeff would have wanted....get closer to friends and family and just enjoy the memories. If we could have - we would have had a sleep over in honor of Jeff (maybe we will do that for your 40th b-day Jeff! ) We miss you immensely! Happy Birthday Big guy!

"Looking for Jesus"

I think of this picture every time I go to get water at the well in Centerville! On the way back from the well this very van is parked in a driveway along 100 South or so. The first time I saw it parked there after Jeff died I nearly crashed the car looking at it because I was so exited and surprised to see it there. Jer and I took this picture probably about 8-10 years ago in a parking lot in Bountiful. Isn't this just so Jeff. Being goofy with his Chevron shirt on! Now it is ironic to me. Looking for Jesus....no need to look much further. Maybe it is a good reminder for all of us to keep our sites on Him. Just thinking about you today Jeff! Loving you tons!

"How did Uncle Jeff die?"

You think you are prepared for any question that your small children may ask (why are clouds white? Where do babies come from? Why do birds fly?) and then one hits you like a ton of bricks and stops you cold in your tracks....

Payton and I were taking down the "Uncle Jeff" windchimes from the deck this afternoon because it is so windy today that we didn't want any of them to break. Of course - every time they chime we always stop and say "Hi" to Uncle Jeff. After we were done saying hi, Payton asked which position Uncle Jeff would play for Miles' big football game birthday party next week. We talked about that for a while and Pay said he wanted to be on Uncle Jeff's team because he is a "good blocker". Then out of nowhere, Pay asked, "How did uncle Jeff die again Mom"? I honestly froze. I didn't know what to say. He is only 5 years old and I am not sure I wanted him to hear the complete details of Jeff's death right now. On the other hand I didn't want to lie to him. I wasn't sure what this hesitation was inside of me? Was I ashamed of the circumstances of the death? Was I just trying to protect my innocent 5 year old? Was it something that I had not yet come to terms with? Was it that I didn't ever want Jeff's circumstances to lead to any excuses later for my children? All of these thoughts flooded my mind. Before I could even answer Pay changed the subject and was off talking about how he was going to go see if Uncle Jeff would play football with him. Then the answer came to me.....I told Pay (even though he was well past the question he had just asked) that it didn't matter how Uncle Jeff died, the fact is that he lives in Spirit! We can still feel him around and talk to him. Payton was luckily content with that answer (and so was I). My confusion stopped. The fear stopped. The anxiety stopped. Of course the tears came...but not tears of sorrow or pain. Tears of Joy...my little boy continued to play with Uncle Jeff for the next 2 hours like Uncle Jeff was RIGHT here (and I think he was). We just couldn't see him. There was football passing between the two of them, there was wrestling, there was pillow throwing...you name it. I continued to get a play by play of what the score was between the two of them and heard all of the rascally things Uncle Jeff did to Payton. Thanks for being here when we needed you Jeff!

Uncle Jeff pinches butts

A few days ago Miles, Payton, Owen, Ella and I were walking home up that big hill we live on - Powell Avenue. Miles was the last in the line up of kids and all of a sudden he jumped a little and said, "someone just pinched my butt." I of course told him the obvious - no one was behind him and so no one pinched his butt. He wouldn't let it go. He was sure someone pinched his butt. Then he said, "I think it was Uncle Jeff who pinched my butt." We all laughed because it felt very possible. I mean why would Uncle Jeff stop pinches butts just because he is in the spirit world?

A few days later at school Miles was again the last person in line. When he got pinched in the butt again! He swears it had to be Uncle Jeff.

So the little rascal Uncle Jeff continues to tease....we'll keep you posted on more butt pinching incidents. Next thing you know Grandma Louise is going to get knocked over from Jeff trying to hip check her while dancing.... or maybe someone's toe will all of a sudden get sucked...or maybe we might just start to get a nice back massage when we think no one is around...or maybe when the wind blows we may hear a familiar Jeff cackle.......or maybe our Oreos will all of a sudden disappear!